Joy vs Drama.

Over this past year I have spent more time in peace and joy then at any other period of my life. I've found that joy resided in the now. Within this gift of life there is variance, stillness and peace. These peaceful reality is naturally present inside of us, now. I do not have a life, I am life and it is good.

However...

Some drama has come into my life or perhaps I have pulled back the curtains and created it myself.

After a lot of inner turmoil, I have done some confronting. I have spoken up and shared my perception of a painful situation. I have rocked the boat and now every thing's a little shaky. Confusion and fear whisper in my ear and I recognize the feelings of drama.

There is a strong urgent voice in my head that is telling my how dire this situation is. It sails I need to carefully steer these turbulent waters. I need to worry and figure out how to avoid disaster. I need to make things work out the way I need them to work out. My peace and serenity depends on the specifics of my life situation. If I can get all the pieces in the right places at the right time, then I will be OK.

Every fearful, worried thought has a little tag attached to it and the tag reads "This thought is extremely important."

These thoughts lead me to anxiety, fear and misery. These are a common destination. With well traveled roads and excellent signage.

My mind tells me that the best way to prepare for tomorrow is to worry today. If I can imagine all the permutations and come up with the correct reaction to each, then I will be able to control it and get what I need.

But in reality, it plays out quite differently then that.

If I make a habit of worrying today,then when I arrive at tomorrow, I will be very practiced at worrying and the chances are I will continue worrying. In truth we never arrive at tomorrow and we become stuck in worrying and fretting. Now is all that really matters.

If, on the other hands I spend today focused on today. If I confront it, speak directly to it. If I keep my consciousness focused on the here and now. If I realize that this moment is my entire life and requires my full commitment. If I make the now my primary focus, then I will be amassing another kind of practice.

When I arrive at a crossroad or a difficult challenge, I will be practiced in being present and staying centered.

The real question is, am I willing to give up my drama. I am willing to let go of my victim story. My mind views it as though it is a curse and that it has been forced upon me but it truth I am the ones who is generating these painful thoughts and feelings.

My drama is a security blanket of endless streaming thoughts. A stream of thoughts that I use to fill the void that is me. If I can not experience my true timeless essence. If I believe that I am nothing more than my ego and my mind, then I need drama to distract me from my fear that I am alone.

but if I know myself as the presence and life behind the mind. That which hears the mind but is not the mind. That timeless awareness at my core, is complete. It does not need more to be whole. I do not need time to "find myself". I am myself and there are no problems.

From there, acceptance and action happen naturally and the outcome will not be driven by fear.