It is here and now or it is nowhere at all

Good morning.

My life is going to be changing a great deal in the next eight weeks. If all goes well, soon we will be moving to Eugene, changing homes, changing jobs and sending the kids to a new school. Sometimes I am excited, at other times anxiety and fear creeps in.

The real problem is when I start dwelling in the future - when I start walking through my worry scenarios. What If I simply can't get a job? What if we keep applying but nobody hires me?

That projecting worrying puts my mind into the future. However, I am still here in the present. That creates an anxiety gap. I am here but I feel like I need to be up there, dealing with that problem. I can feel the very core of me resisting this present moment, not wanting to be here in this fear. I am uneasy, nervous and the only way I can feel better is to solve that future problem.

But matter how hard I think and worry about those future problems, I can not solve them. They are not here are now and that is where I am. There is some footwork I can do to hedge my bets but if I am caught up in fear and not present in this moment, my efforts will be tainted with fear and I will be ineffectual. However, the worst result of the anxiety gap, is that I will not be present for my life.

What I really truly want, that which I have always been striving for, behind all of my actions and dreams, is here now. It is here now and can be found at no other time or place. Salvation can only ever be found here and now. There is no more learning required. There are no more preparations to be made. Having to work towards enlightentment is an illusion. I am not trying to break free from my bonds. I am trying to let go of the illusion that I am in bonds.

This momentous day
real and precious
a glorious opportunity
listen closely
do not blink
a million lights
a million sounds
the wind in the leaves
it is here and now or it is nowhere at all.

I will not miss today, worrying about tomorrow. I must take very close care. I must be attentive. I must not dwell in my future fantasy.

Life is now and it is good.